When to Shut Up?

The abundant vacation has led my mind to wander about fuzzy, inconclusive topics. Speaking of vacation, right after a tedious post graduate course, everyone must think I am in the Bahamas! Nope, I stayed home, worked out, learnt to drive a car and allowed my mouth to continuously jabber to people which got me thinking “When to Shut Up”?

I used to think letting people talk hideous stuff and still get away, had to be confronted. I used to think this was called “standing up for myself”. Long long ago (I do not have the faintest idea when) I had visited a temple. I do not have the habit of keeping a bindi on my forehead, genuinely because I am allergic, neither do I believe in Satan haunting me. A priest who probably had a rough morning back home, stood in front and questioned me “oh my goodness, you are at a temple, how could you NOT have a bindi”. Then he looked at my mother and scorned like she was responsible for this mess. Now this triggered the individualistic side of my brain and I replied “Are you telling me I am not allowed here otherwise? Did God tell you so?”. This took him aback and he murmured something under his breath and took off, ONLY to ask the next girl in line why she had not kept a bindi!  Not to change his beliefs and stop looking at mothers and daughters that way. If I had known this earlier, I would have given him my stupidest smile and walked away – it could have saved so much of my energy! Believe me, we do not live in an individualistic society where what we say gets into bird brains and makes a difference to the planet as such. Just smirk, walk away and eat the prasadham.

Now shutting up in this situation does not necessarily mean you are handing over the power to the other person in front of you. I believe in 3 mantras that have kept me going for the past 5 years (considering that’s when we start understanding) Firstly, we do not have any power or control of what people think about us. Second, it doesn’t matter at all what they believe in. Third, if you think you are doing the right thing, who cares?

So, I gave you a very traditional priest & me story that most of you have probably heard previously.  (Yes, I talk a lot to my friends). Learning to shut up also means an awful lot of listening. Let’s say you and your friends are out on a Saturday evening to enjoy cocktail hour. One of your single friends opens up and tells you that they are having feelings for a married person.  This is a very spit-in-the-cocktail-and-run-away moment for everyone. Predominantly, we would spontaneously react with an “are you crazy” face and give out spot advise and prescriptions to the poor soul who gathered their gut to tell us the truth. This is exactly the right time to listen to what they have to say, although it feels preposterous. Going down the judgmental road is going to push your friends farther away from you. All they wanted was for someone to listen to them & then go about hearing how you feel.

Trust me, we ALL know what we are doing. If they need to be straightened out, they will ask for it. Do not judge. Do not shove them away. Shut up because, Friends are the family you make for yourself 😊

Based on my previous gatherings, I can tell you this – it is definitely not our job to fill in awkward pauses or silences. It’s alright, give it a rest, hear the plates clatter together! I was once in a crowded party sitting in a table of 8 where 7 of them were new to me. I was dreading the fact that I had agreed to join them as conversations were mostly among themselves filled with long pauses in between.  I did try a humorous pitch once and no one even smiled! (grumpy mornings?) Maybe some of us do not have a witty tongue, maybe we don’t fit in there, maybe they like those awkward silences, why even try to talk when we can eat? (unless it’s a million-dollar deal or something)

All I’m asking is -When you do have an option of Netflix and Chill, sleep or binge eat, why would you choose to talk relentlessly in such situations? Are people going to change their belief systems? Even if they do, are they going to accept that to you? Do really what “others” think matter to you in the tiniest of situations? Think about it… Every person is different, we all need to learn to co-exist and remember that life is too short to stop chilling when you CAN! So shut up, grab a drink, read a book, enjoy the weather and your life!

(Here’s a tip: Think of the stupid ones around as Rachel’s Thanksgiving Beef Trifle and say “Mmmhhh” and give them that smile back. You can still toss it out the window like Chandler did! It really works for me (:)